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Doomed malls and “dollar-a-shirt” days 'Gone with the Wind' returns for round 2!

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Jun 12, 2017 No Comments ›› Dan Bodine

 

 

By Dan Bodine

 

 

Hee, hee! My wife, Noemi, belongs to an informal “Church Ladies Shopping Circle” at our Catholic church in El Paso. They’ve got grapevines Columbian drug lords would envy!

Talk about reversely predicting doom though! Libertarian extremists have drawn a Joker! A few shopping malls here and there may only be the start of this!

The other day, you see, Noemi hauls in a cache of new men’s, size large, short-sleeved, “marked-down” cotton sports shirts.

Her face was aglow — somewhere, say, between winning the lottery and winning the nearest right-side seat on Heavenly Flight 101.

“Guess what I found!? Shirts for you! Each for JUST ONE DOLLAR!!”

Holy cats backs! The retail stores bubble we’ve all feared is upon us, folks!  Batten down the hatches!

Don’t DARE let your wives out of the house, for instance! The next thing an Arabian prince who escaped the snares of Florence Nightengale may even be calling — asking for a “return” fee for her!

This is BIG!!! You bet, it’ll put some Mideast sheiks out of business! Oil’s gonna plummet!

You think these hyper-wealthy Arabs will just stand by and let (all of) their extended, free-loafing family members — spread out globally as they are — just milk their billions in stored-up oil savings? Dry?!

Uh, uh! Creative capitalism — aka, extreme and radical capitalism — will become the new norm de jure in foreign markets also! Globally, this will spread! Environmentalism in this Great Transformation will be damned!

As though Norte Americano oligarchs needed some competition in their race to prove Climate Change a hoax!

Before this is over, you may end up buying bars of soap, i.e., made by a factory itself hidden just three miles out of town in a secret, old and decrepit glue factory — but using dead horses smuggled to; and then imported from…Mexico!

And they’ll be imported marked “Made in Saudi Arabia; marketed by United Eskimos International; P.O. Box 253,456,003; Dallas, TX  zip: Go-GOP/BigGulp!

Possibly. Who knows?!

Now, admittedly folks, I’m tarred and feathered some by modern doctors — e.g., after examining my nervous disposition once, labeling it a slight anxiety disorder.

That’s not where you need to look for evidence, though, of this newest economic destruction about to strike global markets.

As though my wife’s church group’s retail-clothes surplus discovery wasn’t proof enough to worry you, read the recent CNN story, “Malls are doomed: 25% will be gone in 5 years!”

Hijole, mates!

It’s gonna be a sequel! Another GONE WITH THE WIND!!!

Version II.

Jethro, you seen my bicycle!? What’d ya’ do with it!? …

Jethro!!!

 

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